Sometimes you go through periods when you really don’t want to deal with the emotions or hassle of a relationship but you miss having sex. Like after a break up, you’re really stressed or relationships are just not your thing. Am I right?
I am aware that some people are of the opinion that you should only have sex if you have feelings for another person. I am not one of those people but I did love my friend and still do. However, I was not in love with him and this is the fundamental reason why it worked out so well despite people telling me that getting involved with a friend in such a way was bound to end in disaster.
Here are the reasons why I think our situation worked so well and some tips for you and your “special friend.”
- The F word! If you even have the slightest feelings for them or you suspect they may have feelings for you then stop right there, go to a bar and find someone else.
- You share the same sense of humour. Our ability to laugh the whole way through this made it an absolutely hilarious experience every time and was probably why it never felt weird afterwards.
- You cannot be the jealous type. If you have even a hint of jealousy in your personality then seriously reconsider starting a friends with benefits situation. We were able to openly discuss other people we were interested in and agreed that as soon as one of us found somebody we liked then we would not continue sleeping together. I even had a false start where I thought I’d met the man of my dreams. However, after a couple of dates and the worst sex of my life, it was evident it was not working out. So the friends with benefits situation resumed like it had before.
- Make it fun! Just because you’re not in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t put a wee bit of effort into it. I was the first girl to ever dress in stockings and suspenders for him which I did because it was his birthday. However, I was so drunk I managed to rip them. Wooops.
- Do not treat them like a one night stand afterwards. The person you’re waking up to is your friend not just some random. It should be clear to you both, if you’ve paid attention to what I said above, where you both stand. Therefore, there is absolutely no reason why you can’t grab a coffee or breakfast or meet up for a drink later on that night or in a few days. If you start treating them differently to before then you will really jeopardize your friendship.
My now ex-friend with benefits has met a beautiful girl and he’s incredibly happy. I genuinely could not be happier for him. So, I say spread the love! Even if it is not in the romantic, fairytale kind of way.
by Darcy Greene